Cold & Heavy / Just Write #3

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He’s almost excited as I am to be in long sleeves. He keeps spinning around saying his version of “Look at me!” It’s something different, he can’t remember wearing sleeves, I put his shirt on him and he looked at them, tugged a little and realized they were in the right place.

It’s a beautiful morning, chilly, a great day for a long walk to the park.

But my heart is still heavy after reading about Katia last night. I still can’t get her out of my head.

I don’t really want to.

It’s too easy to.

Letting  things slip away that shouldn’t be allowed to. This is sprinkled over the spectrum of my life.

More than letting things slip, I detach myself from them, unwilling to feel the ache. Numb traded for ache. Most of the time I realize my misstep. Because there’s not much beauty that can be found without pain, not much life can be found without ache.

Breathe deep.

Embrace the ache, beauty, pain, life.

Live. Really live.

That’s what I want today.

                                    

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