A Dark Secret of Mine


Can I let you in a little secret? It’s deep, dark and I’m confident that not many other people deal with this, ever. So here it is: I am terrible at waiting.

There, it’s out.

What’s that? Oh, you don’t really know that many people who are very good at it? Oh, well okay then, that makes me fee a little better, well, no, not really.

When I first heard of this waiting upon the Lord thing, maybe 16 or so years ago, I pictured sitting and waiting, maybe looking out the window for something coming in the distance. I didn’t realize that waiting was not a pause button, but a chance to seek the Lord for guidance, a chance to grow closer to Him in an effort to walk closer with Him, which would inevitably have me walking in the right direction. Still, 16 years later, I find my waiting taking the form of entitled laziness, waiting for something to walk in my front door and present itself to me. I have to remind myself that doing nothing and waiting are two very different things.

There are things that God has placed on my heart that have been shoved around due to my lack of wanting to wait. “If it can’t happen now, I will make it happen” or “if it can’t happen now, just forget about it.” These subtle thoughts sneak in and strangle plans, desires and hopes too often. When I notice this starting to happen, I know that I have to realign my thinking and reiterate the true definition of waiting. I have to remind myself that waiting is not sitting around, doing nothing. It is praying, thinking, planning, getting ready, though not yet moving on to the end product until its time. That’s the hard part for me, when I feel, according to my own thought process, that I have done everything I need to do to get to a certain place in my life or attain a certain goal. So I start to stress and worry and act all silly and forget this: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD.” Jeremiah 29:11-14 reminds me that He has my future in His hands and if I seek Him and wait on His timing that those things will come to pass.

So my prayer for you and myself is that rather than waiting being full of stress and clock checking, we will let it be full of hope and expectation, knowing that God loves us, cares for us and has His best laid up for us.


6 responses »

  1. loved it! I’m not great at waiting & am a control freak, so this was great for me. I feel this way about conception & adoption. thanks for reminding me of the truth!

  2. Awesome post! I don’t think I know a single person who has mastered the art of waiting… definitely a work in progress for me. 🙂

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